Perth woman declares- "Men after more than just one thing"
After
years of being told that "men are only after just one thing" a Perth
woman has been shocked to discover that it turns out, they are in her
opinion, somewhat documented by field diaries, photographs and informal
interviews, after more than just one thing. Ms C Kelly, formerly of
Sydney and currently residing in Perth has made this explosive discovery
after years of research into the motivations of the male species.
"It's
sort of drummed into you, as a young woman in western society, that men
are only after just one thing. I think at the convent they said it was
sex or pro creation or sewing oats or something. But it turns out they
have HEAPS of different things they want - success, god, their football
team to win, conversation, companionship, to cook well, sunsets,
fulfillment, warmth, a tidy wardrobe, Nelson Mandela quotes, smooth skin
- you name it! I mean, my research has only just pulled back the corner
of the carpet, so I cant list the myriad of things they want, but it
is important to dispel the theory held true for years which I was taught
growing up. In all seriousness..." she pauses and takes a breath - "I
think, with all due respect, that the convent got it wrong."
Ms
Kelly elaborates further. "Some of them are, like, so complex you
wouldn't believe. They want spiritual enrichment and a sense of purpose
and world peace and sh*t. We really have underestimated this species."
When
asked why such a discovery has been made in the early days of 2014,
after mankind has presumably been walking the earth for millions of
years Ms Kelly is thoughtful. "I suppose, as an anthropologist living in
various cities around the world which were covertly engaged in some
sort of cosmopolitan war, I didn't really have the chance to observe
the male species in its natural domain. Perth however is the perfect
microcosm for such research. There are, like, lots of them to start
with, and I have been blessed with the opportunity to study them from
both up close and afar. And once you chuck a bunch of cash in their
face, like the resources boom has done, they go out of survival mode and
demonstrate the more intrinsic desires which afflict and characterise
the species."
The relevance of Ms Kelly's research cannot be
underestimated. "Think of the potential!" she declares enthusiastically.
"Now that we know they are motivated by loads of stuff, there are so
many untapped channels of marketing, psychology, persuasion, business
development, agriculture, science, culinary entrepreneurship and
spiritual tourism, you name it! If its not just women who dig that
stuff, all of a sudden these major markets and industries have
effectively doubled."
Could there be negative consequences to Ms
Kelly's research and discoveries, Bloodsoakedrainbows media is forced to
ask. Ms Kelly seems pensive. "I don't think so" she says. "I mean, its
not like my researchers and I want to take anything away from the
primary industries catering to what we originally believed was the one
thing men want. There will always be prostitution and red lipstick and
breast augmentation. But why not let the other industries, tapping into
all those other previously neglected motivations flourish? I mean, if
men want more than just one thing and women want 50 f*cking million
things, that can only be good for the global economy, right?"
