2020 Year in Review
- Rang in the new year in Balmain East, a week after my mums funeral. Overwhelmed with grief and shock still. Cuddled parker and visited old family friends the Hethertons, then Amy and Elga and the numerous visitors popping in and out of their house, then Peacock Point Park.
- Flew back to Singapore in a wave of sadness. Left a small bag of sleeping pills behind and wished I still had them.
- Spend many days breaking into spontaneous tears in the kitchen. Felt a huge hole in my heart.
- Watched Matilda learning to read.
- Took business trips to London and Goa. Put on "ideation workshops" and presented on diversity and sexy shit to a bunch of curries. Closed a couple of big deals. Made Jason plan out our year of holidays which we booked and paid for, from Okinawa to Rawa Island.
- Had travel insurance claim for Ethiopia trip rejected because my mum is not an "immediate relative" within the meaning of the policy.
- Watched the world go into lockdown.
- Helper yum yum left to be with her husband. Hired helper Juliet. Yum Yum continued to email asking for money and sent pictures of her elderly mother in hospital. Sent some. Felt resentment.
- Watched Singapore become increasingly restrictive. Loved it at first because the museum, art gallery, everything was empty and spacious and all the annoying Singaporeans stayed home in fear.
- More and more restrictions. Wanted to come back to Australia when Singapore made masks mandatory.
- Leant not to say out loud that it would be good for the environment if the global population was reduced, specifically if the populations of India and China were reduced to a billion people each through the spread of COVID.
- Watched the pools, cafes, art galleries close. Stood in line at the book shop and toy shop. Bought huge lego supply. Felt frightened and sad.
- Jason and I started working from home full time. Had extraordinary fights and planned to leave him. Dragged Jason to counselling which he attended full of resentment. Called him some awful names.
- Stared working with new sponsor, a Kiwi Hari Krishna, advertising exec Nimalo.
- Worked closely with sponsor on love, compassion. Learnt that love is an action not a feeling and to do loving things no matter how I feel about him. Result was that I felt love. Watched relationship go from half dead to loving and the resentment fade. Learnt that when I am angriest at Jason I should make him a coffee and give him a kiss on the cheek and a compliment. Did so through gritted teeth and learnt that it works.
- Fell in love with lock down life. Felt my heart burst with happiness at all of our family time.
- Started wearing formal dresses out to the shops and for coffee
- Embraced traditional arts with the babies - making meringues, our own paint, rainbow rice, growing seedlings etc
- Held secret playdates all through lock down with other miscreant criminals like myself
- Started sponsoring Celine. Saw her get a 6m chip.
- Watched Parker become very naughty and mischievous. Still cant speak.
- Settled discussions around my mum's house with my brother and bought his half. all the neighbors and family friends happy.
- Started buying shares.
- Plan to move to Yallingup and live in a forest with Phascogales. Start negotiating with lady who owns Phascogale house. I want her life. Jason not ready to live in the forest.
- Helper Juliet gets brain tuberculosis and spends a month in hospital. Living with no helper and bills running up by about $3K per day. Rotation of babysitters and cleaners and Jason and I fighting. Spend my days on the phone to doctors, insurers family in Philippines, Juliet's friends, the embassy, the medical evacuation people whilst negotiating a massive deal with British American Tobacco every night. Extremely stressful.
- Learnt to make oatmeal pancakes then yoghurt pancakes.
- Get Juliet's brain damaged ass on a first-class SIA flight to Manila and a private jet to Ilo Ilo. Huge sigh of relief. Massive bill from Singapore General Hospital. Negotiations begin. Family continue to ask for money from the Philippines. Juliet's friends tell us this is the normal Philippines mentality. Family sends messages saying "we know we will be ok because you will always take care of us Maam!"
- Hire new helper Sheila because she i fat and happy and available immediate. Marvellous housekeeper, house has never been so tidy, but not very bright. Decide to focus on the tidy house and be happy.
- Working on honesty, love and compassion. Making good progress but so much of a way to go.
- Sponsor leaves town and I am devastated.
- Cancel trip to Aus for Christmas because we don't want to do/pay for quarantine and my request for exemption, plus numerous appeals, are all rejected.
- Feel very happy and peaceful with my life. Very joyful about beautiful healthy children, decent low stress job.
- Take first block of leave for the whole year between Xmas and new years. My entire skeleton staff of Indians who are supposed to man the fort decide they all want a break and call in sick so I have to work anyway. Feel rage and make racial slurs on the inside.
- Enroll Parker in school next year.
- Stay in touch with my mums mates and old family friends.
- Propose to Jason. He says he will think about it. Realize we have been together 8 years.
- Clean out wardrobe of suits.
- Drink 20 coffees a day.
- Celebrate 3 years sober, Parker's second birthday and commemorate one year anniversary of losing my mum. Feel overwhelmed by the energy of it all.
