The
specialist
Come,
we’ll sit outside in the sun.
We sit down at a table and she opens the
file. How are things?
Good.
Last night I burnt my list of crimes and indiscretions in the full moon as
directed.
Oh
you did? She smiles and nods. Good. You must each morning burn a little piece of your slavery, distrust, dishonesty, delusion,
and as you wash away the ashes with a thin trickle of water say “I give rise to
willingness to wash this away.” She gestures with a hand, waving bad energy
away,
Ok.
I’ll do that. I get on my knees each morning and night and pray for the
willingness to do whatever it takes, pray to remove the ego that stands between
me and my higher power.
Excellent,
burn your ego to Wash that away daily. Just a little slip of paper. She looks up and thinks for a moment. Do you believe you have been taken care of?
I
know I have been taken care of. Its miraculous. There are so many moments in my
life which were touch and go which I survived, terrible situations I put myself
in and emerged from unscathed, moments of redemption and renaissance and forgiveness,
new jobs, wonderful people. There are so many times someone has been there just
in time. That last night, the three women who came at that moment and pulled me
out of the bath. I woke up and couldn’t move but could feel my higher power in
the room with me. I have been very much protected by some divine force. Always.
Hmmm.
Its so confusing. You are my most committed patient, you work so hard and want
it so badly and yet you cant seem to get well. That makes you the sickest
person here.
I look at the broken window in the derelict
house behind the pretty gardens of the rehab . I am confused to. I don’t understand it. The delusion is so powerful in me.
Well,
she says. You
cant get sober for Jason or your family or friends or for me, maybe you can do
it for Matilda. But I don’t think so. There is something inhuman in what you
have.
I am trying to process this. She thinks for
a few minutes.
Ill
tell you what, There is a book called Many Lives, Many Masks by Dr Brian Wise.
He’s a psychiatrist. It’s about a patient who comes to him and says “I have two
weeks for you to sort me out and then Im killing myself”. And the doctor
examines what his next life would be like depending on the kind of action he
took. You are carrying something from a past life and you need to be careful or
you will carry something into the next life. You only want to carry the good.
You don’t want to be born like this again.
Ok. I am totally speechless. This is really disturbing to hear from my
psychiatrist. Can you write me that
letter for my work, saying I need another month off?
Yes,
sure, no problem. Good idea. And Ive given you 6 hours leave on Saturday and
Sunday. Also, I think you should write a book. Look at the time, its 10.30, time for group. I think today Paulo is doing
mindfulness!