So it turns out that there is a crime in Singapore, of "causing alarm". There is also a crime of "attempting suicide" which is a bit more serious. They are both about od'ing on drugs even though you could cause alarm by doing all sorts of things.
I didn't know that either of these were crimes and won't be pulling this shit in Singapore again.The irony is, if found guilty of attempting suicide, you cop lashes with the cane and a stint in jail! That ought to improve things!
I had this bright idea that i could go to hospital, register myself, go under ketamine, have them look at my throat… but just before the bit where they gave me ketamine I would take 300gms of valium and drink a bottle of vodka and die peacefully. Imagine explaining that in a police statement a week later.
This did not work out this way and now I am in trouble with the law in Singapore. If one knows anything about Death Penalty Disnlyland, this is a big deal. A really big deal.
Its not looking good but all I can do is pray.
The love of my life is a bee's dick away from leaving me and is literally staying only because of the baby and because I am a suicide risk. This is your last chance Caitlin. I cant do this again.
When I cuddle Matilda and touch her fluffy hair I couldn't be closer to God and I am so utterly confused by why my behaviour is so dysfunctional. It is completely baffling in every way.. Confused.
I apologise to my angel every day but he has heard it all before, the words mean nothing.
I try to get clean and then find new things I have hidden around the house, like the work of a cold dark sister who is sabotaging me.
