I feel like I am watching you die, slowly
slowly. And if you’re not dying it is even worse, because you are paralysied in
the ugly limbo of sickness, suspended in purgatory, waiting an d suffering and
dwelling in a halfway place.
My parents came for 6 weeks, and it was not
without event or fanfare.
You are on my mind but your world is far from here.
You were equally excited and stressed. So many things
planned. Naty the Amah was to act as tour guide. You would rush home from work
each night. We would think of new food courts and restaurants to take them to
each night. By the 3rd Saturday you cracked and stayed in bed crying
all day. My Dad was angry and yelled at you, called you a selfish drunk. My mum
tried to keep the peace. You asked them to leave. The baby cried. I had never
felt so sad in my life.
And I'll meet you there, when the times is right.
I went out that night to watch the football
with Tony, left a post-it note by your comatose body, stuck to the cot. When I
came home I played a song that reminded me of when we were innocent and new and
you were beautiful.
Though the years go by and everything has changed.
You are still my girl and the song remains the same.
I cried, because that world now seemed so far away. I don’t know
what is happening to us, and I feel like I have already lost you.
Remember when our love was innocent and true.
I want to hold you till the sun cuts through the night.
I want to hold you till the morning burns the sky.
You will find me down by the river, there's a little place that we can go.
We patched things up and I thought maybe
all would be okay again. It lasted a couple of weeks. The last day they were
here you were out of action. You’d stayed up all night the night before wrapping
presents for the family, ostensibly doing something nice, only to humiliate me
with your behavior on the Sunday. We put you to bed and mum and dad flew off
feeling sad.
The baby was confused. I felt lost and bruised. I guess it meant there were no more secrets.
