From: Madame Shangrila
Sent: Thursday, 3 July 2014 1:22 PM
Subject: RE: Choctops
I could not have known that this email would be funny.
But when I got to No choctops for more than two weeks now it made sense. What a massive ph*cken tragedy. Worse than when the wrong number of Schitzels showed up.
l was always the last to board, always the first to leave
I never bounced back. I wonder if anyone will ever tell this story.
I did not belong safely there.
I don’t blame anyone, who could have known. But I never bounced back. It has been my undoing and I accept this.
“What happened to you a few weeks ago?” said Jean. “Before, we call you ‘the yelping pup’. You were full of life. Now you are white and quiet.”
I try to answer but it is all useless. Does it matter.
“See you again!” says the sign in the airport. The lady at the juice store says something similar but in French, I don't know why.
“A la prochaine” I say, although I doubt it. I feel bad for lying to her. I stood outside the airport and looked in 2 directions. Acceptance or defeat, humility or Eithiopia. I have always wanted to go. More than I want to accept responsibility.
A few hours earlier I tell The Lover I will be there that night, I will not be in great shape and I will need to go to sleep, get up the next day and start again.
He calls me a stupid bitch, literally, these are his words, and it breaks my heart into a million little pieces because he has never ever spoken to me like that before. He is The One Who Never Hurt Me. Do I go and depend on the man who called me a that or do I head for a crescendo elsewhere. I do like a crescendo. He apologises immediately but once you fling things out the window you can never take them back. I have my own experience of this.
I wrote one of the partners at my firm an email in which I used the word "c*nt" in 36 point font. This is a new one for me. I don't think I work there anymore.
They said 'take stress leave'.
I said "how about I go to Eithopia, write a review of you on Glassdoor and kill myself in style."
They said "maybe time in Singapore with your hubby - this would be more good."
I said "go f*ck yourself. Not you Jean, but Edwin. I like your bracelet Jean. And you, Edwin can't handle a woman crying and yet you make them cry daily. I will write about you, I will immortalise you. It is my gift to you, it is a privilege. You may say thank you at any time." I have so much more to add but there is no point in speaking when you are angry. It is just flinging stuff out the window.
He stayed silent and looked at his shoes.
"You can speak to me like that but you can't look at me??"
I forwarded the email to everyone, cc'd him and looked at my watch. I did hand over stuff and realised I had 100 minutes until I walked out the door.
It stuck me that you rarely see the word "c*nt" in a work email, tamed with an asterix thought it may be.
The new chick said "I heard there is a room at the villa."
I said "Yes, I left 1000 thread count sheets, they are lovely, some good towels and shampoo etc. I also gave the house boy $100. Treat him well please, he is a good person. And make them clean the room before you move in, there is toothpaste all over the bathroom. Left by me."
"Thank you. I think" she said.
I never wanted to live in f*cking Burma, in a house full of miserable people, in a world where I call my boss a c*nt, in writing.
The new chick asks me to go for coffee and looks upset. "Its the weirdest thing. I am new, but a few people have said something similar. Something similar to what you wrote in that email."
"We are all lawyers, we will always encounter them. In retrospect I probably would not have put it in writing and forwarded it to everyone, cc-ing him in. Who knows where that email will go. But the lesson, for me, is that you are where you are, so you have to adapt. And also, what they put in writing to you means nothing. But Jean is awesome. And Edwin, we now know, does not mind what you call him in writing. Or if you cc everyone in the office."
"They said you were supposed to work in Laos not Yangon?"
"Yeah, hence the email. I love you, call me anytime, I will always tell you the truth."
"I'm scared. Of that guy!"
"Don't be. He will be preoccupied for 48 hours about fall out from the c*nt email and then will be extra nice to everyone for 3 weeks. He will be 'in trouble' with the MD for a bit. Not that it matters."
I give her a hug and hope to meet again.
