Last month's
edition of Brief contained a list of tips for new lawyers which appeared to be
aimed at junior litigators. It also looked a little vanilla and banal. For the
purposes of ensuring balance and to emphasise that corporate lawyers also have
a difficult job (contrary to an email I once received from a litigator who
describe my role as that of a glorified monkey ticking boxes on ASIC forms),
the following list has been compiled setting out tips for new corporate lawyers.
1.
There is such thing as too much work. If you are
being dumped, missing family funerals, getting fat or your dog dies because of
your work hours, you are over utilised and need to talk to someone. Ditto if
you get that thing where a piece of your spine falls off and travels around
your lower body because you have been sitting down for periods of 18 hours
straight.
2.
Be good to your support staff. You shouldn’t
need a reason for this, but if you are the kind of person that will only be
kind to others where there is some personal benefit to you, then know this: They will make your life easier and there are
many things they can do much faster than you.
3.
The litigator's guide mentioned that there is no
such thing as a dumb question but there are plenty of dumb mistakes. The worst
dumb mistake of all is a dumb joke. Changing anyone's electronic signature to Chronic
Malingerer or Unicorn Rapist will not be ok in a law firm. Nor is anything to
do with setting fires or calling anyone's wife or mother a dodgy old slapper.
4.
If you ever get so tanked at Friday drinks that
you urinate in a rubbish bin in the office that is not your own you need to
start looking for a new job.
5.
For the chaps: Don't send overly blokey emails
around the firm on the topic of football or cricket referring to every male
lawyer with an 'o' at the end of their name or other stupid nicknames such as
Wazza or Bazza. More than half of all solicitors are women and they somehow
manage to resist the urge to send firm wide emails about half price Shellac at
the salon down the road. Overly gendered firm wide emails are offensive.
6.
Keep your own personal precedent library of
clauses you love. Never admit to non-lawyer friends that there are clauses you
love.
7.
Never Reply All to the whole firm. Ban Reply All
if you are in charge of anything.
8.
Avoid legal ease when discussing your personal
life. If someone is at your house until 4am it is not a constructive stay-over,
your housemate does not have to put up with your noise because they did not
come seeking a remedy with clean hands and shrieking "You're so damn unconscionable!!"
is not enticing dirty talk.
9.
Your time is precious, possibly the most
valuable thing you can give (especially as you're most likely broke and going
home to your parents' house whenever you want to eat meat). Involvement in the
legal fraternity/community/not for profit space makes the job more satisfying
and fun.
10. Being
a junior lawyer is stressful. If you are struggling with stress talk to someone.
Lawyers top themselves all the time, usually the funny ones (ie the comical
ones, not the actual weirdos, they are usually fine). Don’t be a statistic. You
won't even be a public statistic, it will all be covered up quicker than you
can scrape a pile of lawyer goo off the streets of St Georges Terrace.
Definitely definitely talk to someone, before it gets out of control.
11. Tell
all your friends how much you make so they will stop thinking you are really
cashed up now that you are a lawyer and expect you to buy them drinks.
12. Don’t
take files home, via the pub on a Friday night. If you leave them at the pub
you will be fired and struck off for professional negligence
13. Stay
away from office romance. Minus the number of people at your firm from the total
population of Australia and then just date those people left over instead. This
could also be expressed as a formula, if you prefer:
People it is ok for you to date = total
population of Australia - people at your firm.
C'est facile!
14. Remember
that everything you do electronically is recorded. Email never goes away. IT
can always dig up your search history. Wait till you get home to google anything
about bombs or amputee porn.
15. You
don’t have to like every partner at your firm. You don’t need to press yourself
to the wall when they walk past and respectfully avert your gaze. They are just
people with really good jobs who have heaps more autonomy, experience and money
than you. It is ok to acknowledge that some of them are d*ckheads (not out loud
or to their face, obviously). Accept that a certain proportion of every
workplace is comprised of d*ckheads. Don't suck up either. You don't become
partner of a firm without a half decent bullsh*t detector.
16. Don't
be a d*ckhead yourself. The legal fraternity is small.
17. Don't
put you name on articles you write containing swear words or references to
amputee porn.
18. A
little bit of vice is ok, you don’t have to be perfect, but you cannot be
dishonest or discourteous. You are now living off your education and your
integrity. So don’t lose your original degree and don't tell lies.
