It was a big house, there were five of us. Some malaysian guy called Bang lived in a cupboard. Kaarma was the son of some sweet Nepalese mountain people who wore robes and sent him his weekly meals labeled Monday to Friday. Marni was the blonde powerful doyen and that other guy was the jerk studying pre-med who always wanted to kick people out and keep their bond. Then Adam the paramedic student moved into the living room. I would take him on dates with me if I thought the guy might be a bit boring and just leave him there if that unfortunate reality eventuated. Which it did. Some guy with OCD briefly lived in some other cupboard. I thought "OCD, awesome! He will be RIDICULOUSLY clean"
Haha massive big joke on me, he was filthy, he lived in his cupboard with a bong and a toaster and not much else. But he was a really nice guy and we spent a few nights sitting on the balcony drinking and smoking and talking.
There was no heating in the house and my room was huge, had high ceilings and single glazed windows. Consequently at 5am I would head to the McDonalds at the end of the street for my bottomless coffee in a heated environment to complete the lacerations and nocturnal cramming.
That Wednesday was no exception but for the fact that I had an exam at 8.30am. I took off about 8.15 clutching a bunch of notes, still burrowing through them frantically trying to learn on the go. A police car pulled over.
Two cops emerged and walked in front of me. "Excuse me Miss. You wouldn't be able to tell us anything about a robbery of the Shell service station on Sandy Bay Road that occurred at approximately 7.05 this morning would you?"
"Um, no! I'm on my way to an exam. Sorry."
"Hang on. Not so fast. You wanna think about this?"
"Excuse me?"
"See, the thing is, the girl who robbed the store was wearing a short denim skirt, black boots and a long black furry jacket. Kind of exactly like what you're wearing."
"You are not seriously suggesting I robbed a servo."
"We're not suggesting anything. Its lucky though isn't it, Constable Mark, that the whole thing was caught on CCT footage?"
"Sure is Sergeant Peters. Sure is lucky. Looks like the whole thing could be cleared up quite quickly if it wasn't our friend here. Why don't we all go downtown and watch the footage?"
"You are kidding!! Seriously!! I do not have time for this! No offence but I am on my way to my CRIMINAL LAW EXAM! Its at 8.30! I don't have time for this! Look!" I thrust some notes in their face.
"The three elements of assault. The elements of murder. Stealing by mistake. All of this sh*t I have been studying all night. I am a 2nd year law student! I did not knock off the f*cking servo!" I need to get to my exam!"
"Look maam, I think its best you calm down here. Lets pop downtown as As Sergeant Peters suggested and watch the footage together. Should clear the whole thing up"
"Assault. Intentional or threatened application of force without consent. Seriously. I have to be at this exam. I have studied hard for this. i have been up all night. I did not rob a servo."
"What is your name? Would you mind if we looked in your bag there Miss?"
"Caitlin kelly! No, fine, but hurry up!"
They search my bag and look at each other blankly. There is makeup, some apples, a Talking Heads album I borrowed, a packet of brownie mix I promised someone. The look at each other a little blankly.
"Look, for now, you can go to your exam. But we're gonna need to be following this matter up Miss Kelly. Do you have some ID?"
"No! I have my student card but I need it to sit my exam!! Look at it and write some stuff down if you need, but i REALLY need to go." I can't see the time but I think its getting violently tight.
They do so and I am tempted to ask them for a lift to uni but I am too perplexed by the bizarre interloping experience, somewhere between the cramming, the exam, twilight and that big furry jacket I always wore.
I get to the exam as the cute little old lady with her high pitched mike is explaining instructions. I stuff all my notes in a bag and throw them at the door. The exam is fine but its hard to concentrate whilst laughing about the fact that I have a doppelgänger in Hobart who dresses like me and knocks off servos at 7am. High five princess.
