Dont make me hurt you

I held your head under the water. You thrashed a bit, flailed, fought. My right arm was wrapped around your body, strongly, your arms were going nowhere. I don’t know what I wanted. I was angry at you.

You were little at the time. I think I heard you speak and scream underwater. You stopped fighting, moved a bit and your body went limp. I pulled you out by the hair. You fell in my lap, the underwear you wore was soaked, your eyes were strange and pupils dilated like you had kaleidoscope vision. You  were taking gasping little breaths and moving softly softly, crying I think. You buried your face in me and the soft crying gained vigorous momentum, wanting the world to stop and spin the other way perhaps. I touched your hair and whispered "don't make me hurt you, I really hate it."