I last saw her over 2 hours ago. It seems my timid little Doe has escaped from me, run back into the forest.
Initially I tried to understand why she ran, worried it was me. Did my actions suddenly spook her? Was I too big? Too noisy? Was I feeding her the wrong grass?
Had she simply realised how close she had let herself get to me, as my fingers gently scratched at her nose, that she felt too vulnerable? Have there really been that many people trying too hurt her in these woods that she has no trust left for me? Is it really that scary to suddenly find me at arms reach, listening to all her secrets, that she feels she has to disappear?
I soon realised I had to stop trying to understand though, It just made me frustrated, not able to listen. My heart agonized as I struggled to try and comprehend the specific reasons my doe would not allow or tolerate me near, but my doe just needed me to listen. She always came back anyway, after she ran. Sometimes it took a day or two, sometimes more, but she always returned and she was OK.
I wait and she appears and I smile. I offer her grass, I scratch her nose, I listen to her stories - her secrets. Sometimes she tells me where she has been, sometimes where she is going. It's always beautiful. Sometimes happy, sometimes sad, but always beautiful. I get a small rush of excitement that something so shy, so timid, so beautiful would choose to share it's time with me, tell me secrets and trust me with her trust for even a short period. Enactment that a treasure from deep in these woods found me, a treasure that others before me have hurt or underestimated or overlooked or misunderstood.
A treasure I hope to enjoy for some time yet...
Suddenly though she startles, realising where she has gotten herself, again. Confusion. The trust disappears. When she next looks at me it's the same look she gives everyone else she meets in this forest. Her look asks me what I want of her, why am I being so nice.
When are you going to hurt me?
"Never" I whisper to her, as she darts back into the trees.
