I would later hear the story from others. You were emptying your office, trashing files and throwing random bits and pieces out the door and across the hall to Marcus the grad.
"Magnesium! So important!" you yelled as you flicked one bottle. "MediSlim! This sh*t is full of caffeine and guarana. You can pull an all-nighter on this. And band aids! They are Hello Kitty, but when you drop a filing cabinet on your foot you wont care. Tibetan prayer flags! Need some of those? The Law of Costs! By Gino Dal Point! Its boring as batsh*t but very handy!" You weren't listening to his answers, just hurling and lopping bits and pieces. He was trying to catch them as fast as you could throw them.
Finally it was done and you put your security pass down on the secretary's desk, grabbed your carry-on and left. I had said 5.05 pm and no later. The women who talked about you watched you go, shared an elevator with you. "Good luck with everything" said one of them with an ugly smile. "Yeah" said Bitter&Mean with a strained and disgusted face. They watched you suspiciously as you walked out and got into the long black car with dark windows in front of the office where I was waiting. You were beyond caring. I know I was.
"We're off!" you shrieked.
"Charge!" I yelled, with one arm in the air, like a Scottish warrior.
"Airport Mohamed" I said. We laughed. A weight shifted from you. It was finally over. The walking into rooms and conversations stopping. The secretaries looking at you with ill-will, being the topic of gossip.
At the airport you spoke to your grand mother. "I heard that he is good to you. Your mum said he is lovely. And very sensible" she said.
"He is. I love him. Hey guess what, I quit my job Grandma. I'm going for an advocacy role in Bangladesh. Or teaching in Korea. Not sure. But I cant do corporate law anymore. Its destroying me."
"Leaving the country on some flippant whim though? I'm not so sure about that. But I'm glad the man makes you happy. Does he make you happy? That' the most important thing."
"He makes me feel safe" I said. "You would approve. And that's the most important thing. You need to approve." She gave a silvery peel of laughter.
"As long as you are happy" she repeated. "I love every hair on your head, you know that don't you?"
You returned to wine, cheese and your rescuer. We arrived in the backwater town, emerged from the airport at midnight to palm trees, tropical air and a line of 100 people waiting for non-existent cabs. One lady stood alone with my name on a stick. We pulled into the resort after 45 minutes and went through the mundacities. We got to our room and walked out onto the little pier. You extracted my wallet , keys and watch, put them on a table and then pushed me in the pool. I asked you for a hand up and pulled you in.
We were in limbo. I lost my temper at you, once. You ate too much at breakfast. I yelled at you and you picked up your bag and left. There were markets on that day and i knew you would find them. I found you and apologised. You gave me a magic crystal.
In the course of this holiday we would lie in the sun, sleep, travel through plantations on a motorbike, swim in blow holes. You would learn that the Bangladesh job you so coveted was yours and that the grandmother you loved was dead.
When you heard you were looking at silk scarves in a store on the main drag, clutching a coffee. You held the phone, said "Thank very much" and hung up. I met you and you wouldn't speak for ten minutes. When you finally told me you sat down on some grass on the side of the road and hugged yourself. You learnt forward on your knees, put your forehead in the grass and shook. I took you back to our room and you sat on the edge of the pier for most of the day, sometimes crying in my lap, sometimes in the water holding your breath for as long as possible. You mother knew how close you were and called. Her heart was torn in a million little pieces, jut like you.
"What are you doing tonight?" she said. "Grandma would want you to put on an elegant black dress and go out dancing."
"Ok."
"What do you want to do?" I asked around 7pm.
"Lets have a nice night" you said. You stopped crying, put on a black dress, pink lipstick and heels. We had a lovely dinner by a pond in a rainforest in the middle of nowhere.
I took you home and we went to sleep on this bizarre and haunting day, on a pool chair, outside under the stars in the warm air. I held you and wished for all of it to be undone, for a world in which this person you loved had not died and where you were not leaving me shortly. We woke at 5am and you led me into the bedroom, put me to bed and curled up on me. It was a good trip but a strange trip, one that we rarely spoke of in days to come.
