"Im
into rough sex, amputee porn, slimy tongues, eating human hair, cockfighting,
sniffing butane, shootin up whisky, giving blow jobs in the bathroom, smearing
hommus on the walls, stealing used books, mescalin, cough medicine, frottage, telephone scattalogica,
industrial canning accidents, rust and relatives. I like to tease my vegetables and I get angry when innocent people escape the chair. I need lots of power. I am Kim. I have a golden gun."
"My boyfriend of 4 years dumped me last month and took my dog and all my money and all the sh*t that was in our
kitchen of hopes and dreams and every last bit of faith I had that this life
was worth living and now I'm so lonely I can barely get out of bed in
the morning all I do is sit in a giant chair chain smoking and watching
Neightbours reruns and throwing chocolate at the tv and screaming
"LIAR!" out the window whenever a good l
ooking boy walks past. Not so many walk past anymore I think they are going the long way or something you break my heart Ill break your face please dont mess with me I really dont think I could take it. I have a big stick and I'm not afraid to use it, to, like, smash up all the stuff that belongs to the next LIAR that breaks my heart OH he will see the face of WRATH and I will show NO MERCY but yeah like I said, Im free most nights these days so give me a call. I give dynamite head."
ooking boy walks past. Not so many walk past anymore I think they are going the long way or something you break my heart Ill break your face please dont mess with me I really dont think I could take it. I have a big stick and I'm not afraid to use it, to, like, smash up all the stuff that belongs to the next LIAR that breaks my heart OH he will see the face of WRATH and I will show NO MERCY but yeah like I said, Im free most nights these days so give me a call. I give dynamite head."
‘Why me, well I am honest. Honest that all you women are
heartless thieves who destroy dreams and corrupt reality. I yell at weddings
you are ‘crazy why do it’ I cry most of the time and eat leftover pizza in a
darkened room. I think I might lose my job as I can’t face the harsh reality
that is my life. I often wonder why no one is interested in me….I wish I was
gay….. so yes if you're interested send me an email, I would love to hear from
you’ [this one was actually written by a dude, not me]
"My
three sisters all got married last year to the dreamiest guys, they are so
beautiful and two of them are pregnant my dad said that they had to get married
if they want to stay over, my best frind Cheryl just got engaged, her fiance is
kinda dreamy too, Id really like to get married and have kids, like AS SOON AS
POSSIBLE, I meant, we'd have to date first for a month or something or people
would think it was weird, I want to have a MASSIVE wedding, Ive totally picked
out my dress already, its white and MASSIVE
with a 12 metre train, the theme of my wedding with be "Princess Dianna
style" and you dont even have to dance during the dance you can just stand
there and sway while I do my routine that I have be choreographing for
the last 5 years, my best friend Becky is a
bridesmaid and you can have groomsmen and stuff too as long as they are not
overweight and willing to get a tan or a spray tan and have their teeth
bleached and I can check their haircuts and stuff before the big day, you know
what photos are like, they are like unforgiving, I have a cat so maybe you can
have a cat too and they can be like husband and wife cat or just good friends
if you like or we can have both of them put down I don’t really mind, what do
you think? Please send me an email with you photos and any unavailable periods
you already have booked over the next year."
"And Abraham begot Ibraham, and Ibraham begot Issiah, and Issah begot Heccuba, and Jesus died on the cross for US, to save US all from hell and sin he sent his only SON, on the cross on the CROSS on the cross sinners redeem yourself and KNOW THYSELF is the EYE OF GOD I'm looking for company to go to church with. Please call $%^&*) and dont hang up if someone answers the phone with "Salwation Army" thats just this crazy lady from down the road who thinks its really funny to prance around my house bossing everyone around and telling everyone to take showers everyday and to feed at five or not at all. She's not so bad when you get to know her she might have to come on our date if that’s ok because of some legal stuff but I reckon she would just sit there quietly and not ruin it or anything"
